When you don't know what you need through grief so you just want to lay on the floor with Jesus

This is how I healed from the breakup with my fiance in late 2021. 

I spent hours on the floor with Jesus, simply letting whatever flow through me that needed to. 

No agenda. No journaling or searching scripture. 

Just me. On the floor. With Jesus. 

I would cry tears of deep, deep grief, finally letting it all out, unashamed of what it looked like. I would feel Jesus wrapping the blanket around me as I was curled in the fetal position and in the midst of the tears, the rage, and the grief, I would experience the peace that passes all understanding. A calm that could only come from an encounter with God. Then I'd find myself crying tears of joy and gratitude for the way God was there with me, taking care of me, holding me. 

I didn't judge it. I simply let it be whatever I needed. And I gave myself the time and space for it. 

When people commented about how well I was handling the breakup, I would smile with the secret knowing that those times on the floor was the only way I made it through. 

In many ways, this breakup was the hardest of my life. It was also the easiest because I had such a clear knowing that God was with me. And healing certainly isn't a race, but I can honestly say I moved through soooooo much grief in a shorter amount of time than you'd imagine given the history of the relationship and the loss of my best friend, step children, and vision I had held for my life. 

This is the song I listened to over and over again while I was on the floor - Color by Upperroom

I hope it serves your heart and time with Jesus as much as it did for me. 

With so much love,
Amy

Scripture reference - Philippians 4:7 ESV
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."